LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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