And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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