I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
