Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The air was thick with penises
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
