Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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