If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
