Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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