I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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