At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
