those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
