dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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