You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
