Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
