OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
