Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
