I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Omg I joined a choir last night...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
