You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
