Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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