I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
