so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
