I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
