I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
