why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
