I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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