Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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