oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
