my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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