youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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