You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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