Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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