I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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