This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
