i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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