everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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