clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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