gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
