Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
