You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
