I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
