I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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