The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
