; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
