You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
