he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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