Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
