My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
