I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
