He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
