I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
