My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
