alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
