Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
