Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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