never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
