I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i think i just lost a toe
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