They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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