It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
