I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
