1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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