hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
