Soap is not a condiment
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
