She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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