she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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