She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
