I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
try to milk me bitch
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