now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
