So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
