the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She has the best kind of daddy issues
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
