It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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