I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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