the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
