Will you blow on my dice?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
