You can't motorboat a personality
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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