awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
how drunk are you?
Several
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
