When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
