I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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