I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its not stalking. its research.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
